well i hope that is clear as mud...
Squirrel......
sorry digressed slightly from what i intended.. oh well.. first up.. whenever i look on here which granted isn't a whole lot lately i always check the comments..coz i do know that there are some super people who still drop on by every now and then... HOWDY.. waving furiously........ geezus.. squirrel....
back to the comments... there was one from.... wait for it .. anonymous..... yep... she says rolling her eyes slightly..and it said....
i quote... "Wow, this article is fastidious, my sister is analyzing these things, therefore I am going to tell her"
why thank you anonymous but you obviously didn't actually look at the post.. BECAUSE... by definition .. according to google that is..... FASTIDIOUS means possessing or displaying, careful meticulous attention to detail ...... SO THEREFORE you would have noticed that instead of all my pictures being centered and of approximately the same size they were all over the joint.. ALL OVER THE JOINT... mainly because blogger just wasn't playing nice on the night or day whenever it was that i blogged AND i just couldn't be bothered fixing it.. and don't even get me started on my usual style.. you know a gazillion {no exaggeration} close ups of the layouts shown.. so please don't tell her..but if you do please don't hesitate to ask her to kindly leave a comment in the box with her name..
.. sorry.. i did say squirrel...
back to the original thought as to why i dropped on by.. i haven't been around and I've been lacking in my blog friend duties.. but mainly because i haven't been scrapping of late and i FACEBOOK.. yes probably a little too much.. was said to me .. quite recently...... that do you think its addictive.. HELLS YEAH... well see you cant say anything about my smoking then coz its like that... addictive.. like to see you go a month without it.... well.. lets just get this straight right here and right now.. its not going to happen sonny Jim so no need to stress about that situation.. i just have a go at you smoking coz its what i do.. NOW if... IF YOUR MOUTH TASTED LIKE A DRIED UP DEAD DINGO when i kissed you then we may have some issues but instead it tastes like sweet cherry pie so i have no problem... which SQUIRREL... i never in a gazillion years thought that i would date a guy who smoked.. but hey this guy has lit a fire in me bigger than {what i imagine to be huge}.. a forth of July bonfire ........oh Squirrel.. too many things running through my head.. OBVIOUSLY..... back to FACEBOOK... yeah i keep up with most of what you guys are doing through there other than that i pretty much still silently... {EVIL LAUGH} stalk you from time to time.. just seeing whats been happening etc......... so keep up the good work my friends.....
anyho.. its almost that time of year again for me.... and yeah i remember.. its just one of those things.. although i couldn't tell you the date that we first met, or any of that crap.. but i do remember my "This just isn't working so for my mental health, and the future happiness of myself which in turn effects the happiness of the kids.. you"re going to have to leave" DATE..... yep.. its been 3 years since i asked him to leave and looking back on this last year.. this one has been HUGE.. i started finding the me that i liked.. that one that disappeared to try and make him happy .. that changed to suit what was expected of me.. the one that was feeling.. and quite frankly looking so god damn old.. {sorry for the blasphemy.}... now.. I've come full circle.. i found my happy.. i learnt not to focus on the negative.. but the positive.. i learnt to look at things, my life, my body, my heart through a different set of eyes.... the one that even though there is a negative the POSITIVE far out ways that.. it is the sole purpose that i am where i am today.. i discovered that if in every day you found ONE single second of positive to RUN with it.. RUN LIKE THE WIND BULLEYE..... because geezus that is going to get you further than being focused on what might have been one little negative.. even one the size of a speck of dust can fuck your whole day up.. THE WHOLE day..which sometimes leads to the whole week and then your lost.... back in that downward spiral... so every single day i look for a positive.... and YES i still have days.. probably having a couple right now where i just cant put my finger on what it is.. but this feeling.. but you know what .. i know that it will pass..... i know that at the end of the day i have a smile on my face.. i go to bed happy.. i go to bed thinking of all the good people.. the good things out there.. the sunrise.. the sunset.. the magic and beauty that is around ...every where..
WHICH
probably brings us right to the point i am RIGHT now...
I've found my seeing eyes again.. the one that isn't just living and going about things and happy at that .. I've found the seeing ones.. the ones where i look for something magic and often see it without even trying...
i owe one man that thought.. what started as a simple hello on line.. checked out his profile and seen the magic that is his photography.. and thought.. wow.. I'm going to be friends with this guy.... I'm going to stalk him .. i cant even recall what his profile said... NOTHING...... just he gave me his facebook name and said look me up i have more photos on there.. {poor sucker.. DIDN'T SEE WHAT WAS COMING.. never stood a chance}...... and HOLY CRAP this guy sees the little little as in TEENY TINY things.. the water droplets and reflections in them OH and he has a fascination spiders..eek.. but the way they create there homes the wonder in them.. {thank fuck he doesn't have any as actual pets..that may not have worked so well}.. but anyho.. Finally after a couple of totally random conversations.. of not much i might add... we met.. went for a walk to take photos.. and BOOM.. it all started.. i started taking photos again.. granted with my trusty, never is far away from me iPhone but still.. i started taking photos..and more importantly to me i started seeing..... and not to bore you with the details..but i am still seeing that above mentioned guy.. in fact just quietly.. i think I've fallen for him.. but SHHHHHhhhhh no need to be spreading any rumours........ SQUIRREL... sorry smiling at the thought.. that's what he does..oh i feel 15 or something...... SQUIRREL.. .. ummm... that's right NOW I've started taking photos again.. with my camera in my own way. .oh but using the "M" button .. yep MANUAL.. eek i still get it wrong but I'm doing it and I'm doing its my way.... I've decided to call it... "ITS WHAT I DO".. Because my photos are about pleasing my eye.. the way i want them.. i don't do pretty.. you all know that so please don't expect me to take a PRETTY portrait of you.. expect something a little different.. so anyho.. here are a couple just to show you......
so there you go.. a little bit about what is me.. coming up to my anniversary of the biggest and what has turned out to be the BEST and MOST positive decision of my life....!!.. OF MY LIFE.. and I'm not even kidding about that...
so anyho. thanks for reading and letting me share.. oh for Pete's sake its my blog so i was always going to share its just a matter of who actually reads..
so if you read.. PLEASE just tell me you've been .. would love to hear from you all....
lots of hugs an love.. and HAPPY DAYS....
